*WoManManual Currently Under Construction*: How do I get rid of him/her?

Maybe you just found out by this test that your lover isn’t your Romeo/Juliette after all or maybe you have fallen in love with someone else. In either case you need to get rid of him/her. 

Here a few tips and experiences how to dump him/her the best way. If your frog/froggette didn’t get the message the normal way, I got many examples how to get the message through uhm…. less subtle. 

Determine why you want to end the relationship and be clear about this.

This is important for you as well as your partner. Even if it’s hard to put it into words because for example your decision is based on feelings, your partner has the right to a decent answer, so make sure you can give it to him/her.

So don’t start with “it’s not you, it’s me” and any of those other rundown lines. Try to say what you feel or don’t feel. If necessary you write down the pros and contras or talk to friends you trust. Rather don’t talk to common friends, ‘cause of the chance that it leaks out and the social pressure you’ll put on that person.

Just remember, this step you are determining for yourself. Your partner  doesn’t need to know anything yet. After all this time, a few days more don’t matter and maybe you can talk things through to change things.

Stick to your decision

In the previous step you made a decision. Be sure your decision wasn’t made on an emotional moment. Also look at the practical side of your decision. Maybe you have a house together or you both carry financial burdens together. You have to be able to deal with these things as well, so you have to think about it now. I don’t say these are reasons to stay together, but aware of the consequences.

Choose a good moment

Why a good moment? Because the right or perfect moment doesn’t exist. It’s never fun to break up and hurt the other, but there are better moments then 5 minutes before your partner has to leave for work. Try to choose a moment where you got plenty of time afterwards to finis off the practical things that you thought over at step 2. The evening, a day before your weekend or day off is the best choice. Holidays are also not a good moment because then you’ll have all the family obligations and no one will feel the need to act like everything is all right when it’s still fresh.

Be honest and clear

Tell that your decision has been thoroughly thought through and also point out why you have come to this decision. Nobody will have anything from you saying “it’s over” and then packing your stuff and leave. Try to keep it with yourself and don’t attack the other personally. Don’t try to prescribe situations, ‘cause this only opens the opportunity for discussions and that keeps you on a level of details which don’t matter at this point any more. Because if it’s right you won’t come back on your decision.

Answer also the questions of your partner. You already got a part of the processing behind you by taking the decision. To the other it’s completely new and that raises a lot of questions. Always be honest in this as well. This way your partner will be more convinced of your certainty and sooner be able to close the topic himself.

Don’t get emotional

If you start crying over your decision , you’ll come across as unsure. You can let him/her know that it hurts you as well, but that can be done in a different way as well. By responding emotional you’re giving your partner a straw to hold on to.

Set boundaries for the future

Het isn’t as easy to break up with everyone. You may have common friends, co-workers or children. You have to be able with this as well. The often used “we can stay friends”, isn’t able in the beginning. You’ll both need time to process the break up and you need to give your partner the chance to refuse contact at a later point of time.

If you have problems with being available to finish off certain things, then at least make sure you are indirectly available, e.g. through your parents. I don’t feel you should use friends for this.

Make sure you don’t get stuck in discussions

You’ve made your decision, you’ve been honest and absolutely sure that there is no point in it anymore. By getting stuck in discussions it will only drain you emotionally and tedious. Try to break off contact completely for a while. Go live with friends or your parents for a while e.g. if you’re living together, or block his phonenumber temporarily. Best is to be open about this as well. Just say honest that you think everything is being said already and that you are really leaving now.

What you don’t do:
- Break up through textmessages, instant messaging or phone. Only in rare occasions you can do that.
- Don’t start sabotaging your relationship so the other might break up, because you don’t got the balls yourself.
- Don’t say things like “I need some time to myself”. That won’t get the message get through, ‘cause your partner will think you got doubts and will hope for it to turn out al right.

If your partner hasn’t got the message by now, pay attention how these people took care of it:

“A passionate kiss with his best friend was more then enough.” Erica, 34 years

“After I found out he cheated I made a profile for him on a dating site and emailed him the link. Off course signed with: Greetings from your ex.” Sanne, 28 years

“After a night out for dinner and party where you got completely drunk on red whine, you’ll throw up in his car. Big chance he rather sees you go then.”

“I let my roommate say I moved.” Michel, 22 years

“Let your father call. I fit Works for calling in sick at work, why not for this?”

“During sex I called out the name of my ex, that didn’t rub the right way.” Afke 24 years

“After an one night stand I had extreme regrets about it Unfortunately I already gave him out of guilt my number. The next week I decided it was time for a new phone, with new number.” Anonymous, 22 years

“The song ‘Waarheid’ by Marco Borsato said enough.” Sonja, 24 years

“I’ve heard my brother once say to a summer romance that back in the Netherlands he would be admitted into a psychiatric hospital: I’ve sworn to use that line one day.” Tess, 22 years

“Say you are afraid of commitment.”

“I once send a friend he didn’t know after him, to see if he would cheat. He was interested in hooking up with her.” Inge, 27 years

“He already had a girlfriend, but didn’t want to choose. I then called him at home at a time I knew he wouldn’t be at home and left a message on his answering machine with a sultry voice that it was great last night as usual.” Anonymous, 22 years

“In a drunk mood I kissed my best friend and told everyone we had a relationship. He thought I was coming out of the closet and didn’t want to have anything to do with me.” Yasmine, 22 years

“Put a pile of bridal magazines next to the sofa and your bed and put movies like ‘My best friends wedding’, ‘the wedding planner’, “the proposal” and “my big fat greek wedding” next to the DVD-player. If these didn’t help you can start looking for baby clothes and talk about the best way to give birth.”

If you got any nice ways yourself, leave a comment below :)

Translating credits go to Jessica Cuperus