"Sorry no sex tonight hun, i'm having a headache" According to men women say this all the time. But it happens to all of us sooner or later. If it's because of stress, certain medicines or because sex got boring. Nobody wants to have sex everyday, 365 days a year. Skipping sometimes isn't a problem. It can be a problem if this sometimes becomes all the times. This can be annoying for both of you, so be open and honest about it so you can understand each other.
Anyway, are you or your partner is in this situation? read than get yourself or the other in the mood. 'Cause maybe it will surprise you but being in the mood isn't a matter of course.
Get yourself in the mood
Why not?
Go see for yourself why you are not in the mood, 'cause there are causes which are more easy to solve than others. A few possible causes: a demanding job or study, making love because you think you have to, bad sex or fights. You can solve this usually by relaxing, go sporting, don't listen to people who say you should have sex 3times a week and by talking to each other. In any case, in sex nothing has to, everything goes. I will come back on bad sex and fights.
Other causes: a different eating pattern, certain medication, hormone changes, changes in contraception (the pill), or maybe there is a physical cause. You can find a solution for this with your GP or gynecologist. Think different medicine, a new pill or a different diet.
Watch porn!
Prickle yourself by looking for sex. Find hot pictures which make you excited, read erotic literature (personally I love PinkPocket roman novels), play music you usually play during sex, fantasize about this hot colleague or the super sexy dude from the bar or watch some (woman-friendly-)porn for once. In this way you will get more aroused and your desire for sex will increase.
Treat yourself!
Make sure you get relaxed. I can't tell you how because you will know this yourself best. To one this means taking a bath, soaping yourself and enjoying the hot water (A showerhead can be a girl's best friend), go to your local beautysalon and spoil yourself with a manipedi, or buy a new set of lingerie. If you feel sexy u usually want more sex. Next to that it's important to take care of your appearance. It will make the other feel good to see you are still putting effort to make yourself sexy.
Take some time for each other!
In a relationship you have sex to show your intimacy for each other. When you are not that much interested in each other or you are not spending this much time together you can get into a brother-sister relationship in which sex is excluded. You will notice you get more fights which make you less attractive to one another and will make your want for sex even less. Specially in women it's important the emotional bonding is good, before they will open them selves and have sex.
Get in the mood!
If you have a lot on your mind it's logical that your are not thinking about sex. Yet it is important to just get in the mood for sex. This may sound a bit crude but usually is the best solution. Compare it with getting up for work. When your alarm rings you don't want to get up and work, but once there busy with your stuff it's not that bad anymore, it'll even be fun. A good rule here is the 15minutes rule. Give yourself the opportunity to get in the mood by making out a bit, if you are not in the mood in these 15 minutes you can stop.. But talk about this with your partner before, otherwise you will leave him with wood. This isn't good for your relationship or his self-confidence.
Be honest and communicate!
"auauauauauawoeoeoeoaaaaaa, That was so nice honey, good night" This will get nobody in the mood. Does your partner do something wrong, are you together for years or are there certain things you want to try (experiment) than talk about it to your partner in a non-offensive way. Instead of saying "You lick my pussy like you would mop a floor" say, "I really like when you make small, sweet licks". Or even better, show him how you want it. Men will only likes this even more and you get what you want.
After a few years sex will get less hot than in the beginning. This is because of the hormones and the being in love and the being new part in every beginning relationship. You wanted to discover each others body, can't keep your hands of each other, anything. A idea can be to try new things. Find new places, new positions, learn from porn, try your fantasies. Whatever you can think of. But most important, break the routine.
If there is something you always wanted just bring it up. Tell him, hey honey I would like to have sex in the forest on the car for once, what would you say to a ride to check the area? This will drive his mind totally crazy.
Put sex on the calendar!
Personally I don't like this but I can imagine that it's a good solution for some couples, specially the busy ones... Compare your agenda's and see what date and time is best to bring your kids, if you have them, to sleep over at granny and to spend some time together. Be careful this tactic doesn't put to much pressure on each other. Cause if you just had a really bad day at that day nothing planned will happen. Try to make a nice evening out of that anyway and who knows what the next morning will bring...
Get your SO in the mood
Tease
Leave little sexy post-its around the house or send hot textmessages to his/her phone to build a excitement during the day.
Don't push it!
"Lay down and spread your legs" That really makes us wet right away.. If you are in the mood you can always try to get the other in the mood as well but don't push it. Create a relaxed sphere, and start intimate. A romantic home cooked dinner, a movie (preferably with some sex-scenes) on the sofa, a nice massage or a bit love making, take a bad together... What ever you can think of. In this way you have more chances of sex than when you walk in and demand sex. Specially with women it's better to seduce them subtle and create intimacy.
Menpart
As you may noticed in this article I focused mainly on the women, even though lots of things also work for you men. From my own experience and research I found that men mostly are in the mood or are easy to get in the mood. Of course even they have their days off, but in general in men it last less long as in women.
For the men: Go relax and prickle yourself with porn or fantasy or anything you like.
For the women to get the men in the mood: It's important to stimulate men visually and to not put them under pressure. Strip for him or let him watch how you play with yourself.. Tell him how bad you want him in a sexy voice. Or wake him by giving him a blowjob.
If this all doesn't work he is probably really not in the mood. In this case it's a good idea to have some quality time together. Go cook together, cuddle a but with a movie, anything comfortable.
At last I found this, Maca. This is a natural product which increases your libido. You have to take this for a few weeks because it's not like Viagra, so it won't work right away. Also a glass of wine will help as well.
And you?
Now you heard my tips but I'm also curios about what you do to get in the mood, or to get your partner in the mood, so speak up!
Go see for yourself why you are not in the mood, 'cause there are causes which are more easy to solve than others. A few possible causes: a demanding job or study, making love because you think you have to, bad sex or fights. You can solve this usually by relaxing, go sporting, don't listen to people who say you should have sex 3times a week and by talking to each other. In any case, in sex nothing has to, everything goes. I will come back on bad sex and fights.
Other causes: a different eating pattern, certain medication, hormone changes, changes in contraception (the pill), or maybe there is a physical cause. You can find a solution for this with your GP or gynecologist. Think different medicine, a new pill or a different diet.
Watch porn!
Prickle yourself by looking for sex. Find hot pictures which make you excited, read erotic literature (personally I love PinkPocket roman novels), play music you usually play during sex, fantasize about this hot colleague or the super sexy dude from the bar or watch some (woman-friendly-)porn for once. In this way you will get more aroused and your desire for sex will increase.
Treat yourself!
Make sure you get relaxed. I can't tell you how because you will know this yourself best. To one this means taking a bath, soaping yourself and enjoying the hot water (A showerhead can be a girl's best friend), go to your local beautysalon and spoil yourself with a manipedi, or buy a new set of lingerie. If you feel sexy u usually want more sex. Next to that it's important to take care of your appearance. It will make the other feel good to see you are still putting effort to make yourself sexy.
Take some time for each other!
In a relationship you have sex to show your intimacy for each other. When you are not that much interested in each other or you are not spending this much time together you can get into a brother-sister relationship in which sex is excluded. You will notice you get more fights which make you less attractive to one another and will make your want for sex even less. Specially in women it's important the emotional bonding is good, before they will open them selves and have sex.
Get in the mood!
If you have a lot on your mind it's logical that your are not thinking about sex. Yet it is important to just get in the mood for sex. This may sound a bit crude but usually is the best solution. Compare it with getting up for work. When your alarm rings you don't want to get up and work, but once there busy with your stuff it's not that bad anymore, it'll even be fun. A good rule here is the 15minutes rule. Give yourself the opportunity to get in the mood by making out a bit, if you are not in the mood in these 15 minutes you can stop.. But talk about this with your partner before, otherwise you will leave him with wood. This isn't good for your relationship or his self-confidence.
Be honest and communicate!
"auauauauauawoeoeoeoaaaaaa, That was so nice honey, good night" This will get nobody in the mood. Does your partner do something wrong, are you together for years or are there certain things you want to try (experiment) than talk about it to your partner in a non-offensive way. Instead of saying "You lick my pussy like you would mop a floor" say, "I really like when you make small, sweet licks". Or even better, show him how you want it. Men will only likes this even more and you get what you want.
After a few years sex will get less hot than in the beginning. This is because of the hormones and the being in love and the being new part in every beginning relationship. You wanted to discover each others body, can't keep your hands of each other, anything. A idea can be to try new things. Find new places, new positions, learn from porn, try your fantasies. Whatever you can think of. But most important, break the routine.
If there is something you always wanted just bring it up. Tell him, hey honey I would like to have sex in the forest on the car for once, what would you say to a ride to check the area? This will drive his mind totally crazy.
Put sex on the calendar!
Personally I don't like this but I can imagine that it's a good solution for some couples, specially the busy ones... Compare your agenda's and see what date and time is best to bring your kids, if you have them, to sleep over at granny and to spend some time together. Be careful this tactic doesn't put to much pressure on each other. Cause if you just had a really bad day at that day nothing planned will happen. Try to make a nice evening out of that anyway and who knows what the next morning will bring...
Get your SO in the mood
Tease
Leave little sexy post-its around the house or send hot textmessages to his/her phone to build a excitement during the day.
Don't push it!
"Lay down and spread your legs" That really makes us wet right away.. If you are in the mood you can always try to get the other in the mood as well but don't push it. Create a relaxed sphere, and start intimate. A romantic home cooked dinner, a movie (preferably with some sex-scenes) on the sofa, a nice massage or a bit love making, take a bad together... What ever you can think of. In this way you have more chances of sex than when you walk in and demand sex. Specially with women it's better to seduce them subtle and create intimacy.
Menpart
As you may noticed in this article I focused mainly on the women, even though lots of things also work for you men. From my own experience and research I found that men mostly are in the mood or are easy to get in the mood. Of course even they have their days off, but in general in men it last less long as in women.
For the men: Go relax and prickle yourself with porn or fantasy or anything you like.
For the women to get the men in the mood: It's important to stimulate men visually and to not put them under pressure. Strip for him or let him watch how you play with yourself.. Tell him how bad you want him in a sexy voice. Or wake him by giving him a blowjob.
If this all doesn't work he is probably really not in the mood. In this case it's a good idea to have some quality time together. Go cook together, cuddle a but with a movie, anything comfortable.
At last I found this, Maca. This is a natural product which increases your libido. You have to take this for a few weeks because it's not like Viagra, so it won't work right away. Also a glass of wine will help as well.
And you?
Now you heard my tips but I'm also curios about what you do to get in the mood, or to get your partner in the mood, so speak up!
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