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| Image: Naughtybits |
'Relationships are like doors'
If you just get to know each other, the proverbial door is open, all options are still there. Are you staying friends? Going for a relationship? Do you like to keep it to pure sex or something more? Then a moment can occur where one of both decides to shut the door.
But what does a closed door mean?
In this situation there are two people on both sides of the door, but strictly speaking, a closed door can always be opened, right? Keep that picture in mind here, we're going back to the open door.
Open door
In the beginning, the door is thus open. You walk through it constantly and do fun things together. Then comes an inevitable moment you become aware that the passage has a door and you can either fully open it, leave it this way or close it, depending on what you feel.
In the simplest situations both of you want either more and call the carpenter to get the door off its hinges or you think it good as it is and the door remains the same. Often there will naturally come a time when you discover other doors so that the current will stay in oblivion, and who knows how it stands after 10year ...
Closed door
But what if one of the two close that door and you both stay on one side of it is, how closed is that door then? Can that door still open? There can be many reasons why it´s closed. Maybe there is a specific reason why one of both is devised. And this is where it deepens. A door is only really close when you have a key to lock it.
In the case that there is a specific reason, such as a quarrel, a lie or pure lack of genuine interest in more, than the person who closes it will also immediately turn the key. Then the door is really closed.
Closed doesn't mean locked
But what if the shutting is based on an unclear reason? A doubt or misconception? What if you have shut it and then find out that it might wasn't necesary in this way? Then we are back to the fact that the other also has a key and you will have to test whether the door is now also locked from the other side is or not. And this takes courage. Because you not only need to swallow your own pride but also dare to test if the other didn´t lock it themselves as well.
For the person who suddenly faces a closed door looks and can´t think of any reason for it, or who know why but also knows how to change this, there is a difference between closed and locked. And also discovering this difference takes courage. Because then you have to have courage to show more of yourself in order to find out what is in the other person.
Well in case you have locked it yourself you better be honest at all times remain and open to the other person. Only in this case you will find out whether you are actually better off with a closed door or that it might be better opened again. Besides I think this is also a social obligation to the other person. And if you decide to open it again, show it!
In case you are suddenly facing a closed door you have a few options. You can either be very radical yourself and lock it immediately so that the other also knows that you are over it or you can try to discover why it's closed. I do recommend you to find the why of it. Only the why make it clear to you
whether the door is just closed or also locked.
If the person on the other side will follow my advice, he/she will be open to tell you the reason why. In this way you two can decide together about what to do with the door.
In the case that there are no opportunities, the other will help you by being honest, which allows you to close the door yourself as well so you both are able to ignore the door from that moment on.
If he/she doesn't help you it will be obvious the closed door is also locked. And to be honest, a person who just shuts it like this doesn't even deserve you making any effort for them anymore. In this case you'd better fence of the door and save yourself a lot of trouble!
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