It may be the worst thing to happen in a relationship, one of you cheats on the other..But first; what kind of types of cheating are there and what to do? Be honest about it or not? What risks are there? How to survive cheating when you want a happy ending for your relationship? And what to do if you are the one who been cheated?
Lets start with a overview of the types of cheating, followed by my tips how to handle if you cheated on your partner, but also, what if you are the one who has been cheated on!
Types of cheating
1. The slip
Usually under the influence of alcohol/drugs (which is no excuse!). Often there is already a tension between you and the other, which flares up quickly and just as hard will turn off again. Or you were just not that comfortable in your own skin, got the attention you were looking for and it got out of hand .. People who are sensitive for attention often have many slips and can get addicted to the kind of tensions that it entails.
2. Out of revenge
After years of having had a too boring or unsatisfying relationship/marriage one of both wants to pay the other back back. Sometimes even to avenge the adultery of the other. Not a good idea. Direct separation works better.
3. Platonic cheating
Can you call something cheating if there is no sex included? Hell yes!
In these cases there is definitely more than friendship. Usually one of both doesn't take it further to not endanger his/her own relationship, but you are sharing intimate feelings/thoughts with someone who isn't your partner. This kind of relation with a 'friend' can cause a lot of jealousy in your partner and eve lead to the revenge affaire as described above.
But texting is also a type of cheating like this. Usually there is no real-life sex included, but talking about how bad you want to do be with or do naughty stuff with that person is also cheating. First of all, you are an asshole/bitch yourself for doing this, second, the other shows no respect for you or your relationship(partner) and why the f would you want to deal with someone like that anyway?
4. Familyfuck
It remains in the family. He does it with the sister of his wife or she with her mother's 2nd husband. There is a new individual that is found attractive and it will not stand out so quickly, is easy to arrange and within easy reach. But when it comes out it creates more than average hassle.
Even worse is when this occurs in a group of friends, for God's sake do not do this. You just stay away from your friends partner/exes!
5. 'But I really want to be with you'
Happens a lot in women. They think they found the man of their life. He only needs to handle the divorce and is waiting for the right time to tell his wife and kids. This can take years and in 90% of the time won't happen at all. So it remains an affair. Ladies please, keep the honor to yourself!
6. The second relationship
This is the college work. One of both partner has another 'real' relationship with a 3rd person with sexual, friendly and familial components besides the real relationships. Sometimes there even is a shadow family. Such kind of adultery is also called a "double life" and hard to digest when it comes out. The kind of cheating is the most difficult for the defrauded partner.
What to do if you cheated on your partner
1. Don't tell your partner ...
Although I really hate lying but being honesty is not always the right choice. "If it was really a one-time slip, do not tell him/her" says psychologist Marcella Bakur Weiner. "You might be relieved, but it will only hurt him/her and harm the trust between you."
If it is something that is more common / has occurred more often, then I would suggest you have to be honest, and for now, put an end to it. To the cheating and your relationship!
2. ...or someone else
Even if you are torn by guilt, this is a burden that only you should wear. So do not tell it to other people, because that increases the chances that it will come true.
3. Examine your motives
If a woman is cheating, even if only once, then there is usually a problem in her relationship. "Women often cheat because their sex life is not satisfying or because they feel ignored," says expert Ruth Houston. "The other man meets something she missing from the partner".
In men it is often due to lack of sex. Quite simply, he does not get it at home so he goes elsewhere. Prevent this by indicating what you both miss and work on this rather than get it out of the door.
If you are cheating or are being with others because you are afraid to be alone, please do not be such a pussy and just end your relationship. You are more cowardly than cowardly in a case like this.
More reasons why people cheat here.
4. Work on your relationship
If you do decide that your loved one is worth fighting for, then you need to solve the problems before they (further) escalate. After you've found out why you deceived your partner let your boy/girlfriend know that something needs to change in your relationship and make clear what you expect off her/him. And that is still without telling about your slip.
5. Be honest and apologize
If you nevertheless want to be honest or if it did come out it is best to really be honest. Show that you're sorry in all ways, swear that it was a one time only thing and that you will do everything to make it right. Everything! One partner will want to know all details at that time, to the other you better save your motives.
You can always come back to that topic if neccessary, but leave the choice to your partner. Not everyone wants to be immediately confronted with his/her shortcomings that led to your cheating.
6. Give your partner the time and space but be available
Being cheated on always means a blow to one's self-confidence, so you must show that you still love him/her and want to be there for him/her. Still, you have to be careful here too: he/she will be pretty pissed and sad and probably want some time and space. If that's the case, leave him/her alone and do not enforce forgiveness. Only time will tell if your partner is able to forgive you.
In addition, this kind of thing still can resurface at a later moment. In that case, never airy with it or make jokes about it. Always take it serious.
7. Proove yourself!
If your partner is giving you the chance to make it right, apron yourself! You are damned lucky with this opportunity, so work for it!
And this doens't mean bribing with exclusionary dinners, expensive jewelry/lingerie or anything else, but by making effort (presents are allowed, but don't think they will make up for it). Show your partner why you want to be with him/her and not with that other person.
What if you got cheated on?
1. Think about what you want
I always say 'Ignorance is bliss'. Do you really want to know you were that boring in bed he went looking for someone else? Do you really want to know the guy from het office di listen to her and was there when she needed someone while you preferred to go out with your friends? Does it matter if it was for sex or if there was more to it? Consider if the truth is worth the pain.
2. Don't wear your heart upon your sleeve
Yell, scold, cry and be honest. Do as you feel and let the other see what he/she has done to you. Maybe that's just the last bit of knowledge that the other person needs to really wake up and thus prevent this from happening again.
3. Take the time and put yourself first
The other made a mistake, so you don;t need to do anything right now. Of course you may have a share in all this, but don't blame it on yourself!
Take some time to think about what impact this has on you. You don't have to promise you will forgive him/her, you'll need time to make that decision. I want to give you one bit of advice in this, you can never be sure whether you are able to forgive your partner, it's what you want/hope that counts. Do you want to be able to forgive him/her? If yes, that's a good sign. Only time will tell if you are really able to do so or not. In a later stadium you can give a look to effort you need to make yourself (if there also are mistakes form your side that led to this deceive) in order to make your relationship work.
But it is also your right to choose to end the relationship here en now. In that case go to step 4, if you want to make things work go to 5.
4. Be critical without loosing your self-esteem
If you decided to end your relationship after his/her deceive and all the stress you had, be realistic. Ofcourse he/she made a huge mistake, but there probably is a reason for it and it might have to do more with you and/or your behavior than you want to acknowledge. In you made mistakes as well, learn from them!
But even if you have a big share in all this, don't blame everything on yourself and loose your self-esteem! Every person has shortcomings, that doesn't give someone the right to cheat on you like this. Know that there are others out there who will threat you right, the way you deserve!
5. Let him/her spoil you...
Did you decide to give it another try? In that case your partner should make it up to you. So let him/her spoil you and prove he/she wants to be with you.
6. ...But don't rub it in
It happened, and yes he/she has to proove himself/herself, but you decided to continue. So give the other a real chance to make it right without kicking his/her ass constantly
7. Be honest at all times
To yourself and your partner. If you wanted to give it a chance but you notice you just can't let it go, and talking to your partner doesn't solve anything, it may be better to break-up. Of course it will take time, but you will notice if your distrust and hurt become less of get worse. If you notice it is only getting worse, or your feelings are fainting away it probably means there is no hope for your relationship anymore.
I hope for you that you have read this piece out of interest and not because you got screwed. Should this be the case, I wish you much strength!
What would you do if youhave been cheating?
And what would you do if your partner would had cheated on you? Let me know!
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